Dylan Esler

Hymn to Darkness

O Goddess Kālī:

The blackness of your skin
Is that of the moonless night:
I lose myself as I contemplate your depths.

The sound of your laughter
Roars like thunder;
While all hide in fear
I walk out, naked,
Into the rain of your blessings.

How eagerly I have waited for this!
How desperately I have longed to meet you!

For months and years, countless to remember,
Your name was on my lips,
And your form was in my heart.

But now, the night of fate has come:

The earth has trembled
And the sun gone down,
But the moon and stars
Are nowhere to be seen.

In the pitch-like darkness
Of this Eternal Night,
I am lost and nowhere to be found. 

Light has left my very memory
As I stare into the profound black eyes of your beautiful infinity. 

Tread upon me now!
Slay this useless corpse of ego-clinging!
Drink the very blood that keeps ‘me’ apart from you!
Eat the flesh which confines me to this painful exile!
Smash this vase of torpid ignorance
And release the drop of water it contains
Into the ocean of your Being.

Tonight you have graced my eyes with blindness
That I may behold your abysmal beauty.

Your stare pierces darkness
through darkness
And reveals the depths of Nothingness.

Your secret gateway, surrounded by a bush of thorny roses,
Is a bottomless pit, as black as infinity.

As I seek to penetrate this utmost secret
Of your innermost Being,
My flesh is torn to shreds,
But what do I care?

This body, nourished by sins
And held together by the sinews of habit,
Is but a small price to pay
To know you in your Wrathful Majesty and Invisible Glory.

The rays emanating from you
Are unseen by those who yearn for sparks and flashes;
For your light is untainted by the colours of the world.

The boundless love in your frowning eyes
Is ignored by those eager for smiles;
For your love lies in destruction.

The flames surrounding you
Scare away those who dread the heat of gnosis,
For they burn every remnant of self-identity.

The charnel ground, in whose midst you dance,
Terrifies those who have not yet died
For the sake of knowledge.

The putrid corpse which you trample on
Frightens those who do not long to be slain
By your anger’s grace.

I ask Nothing from you
For Naught is the supreme gift
That you bestow upon your lovers.

Fools ask for gold, cattle, wives and sons
And no doubt, Great Mother,
you grant these children
their toys, in your infinite mercy.

But those you yearn to know you
Never ask such things,
Which are like dust to them.

Their longing is far deeper:
It drives me insane,
Seeking you through the corridors of darkness.

Since my earliest days,
I have been searching for you
in torrents of fire, in oceans deep and on mountains high.

O Heavenly Queen:
I am your humble servant,
Nay, the dust on which you stand.

O Celestial Beloved:
I am your drunken lover,
Nay, the garland which adorns your breasts.

O Divine Mother:
I am your helpless child,
Nay, the blood which is your wine.

Tear me to pieces
Smash me to bits
Use me however you will.

Gulp down my blood
Devour my flesh
Take my skull as your cup
my heart as your meat
and my skin as your frock.

I have no meaning
no love
no life
outside of you
I am Nothing.

In the splendid depths of this Eternal Night
Bestow the grace of your gaze
Upon this madman:
Let me be Not, let You be All.