Daniel Gauss

Desire, so you think you have a monopoly on grace?

.

Corrupt and tainted with a thousand vices,
Because you want the grace that others have,
You judge it straight a thing impossible
To compass wonders but by help of devils.

                Joan of Arc in Shakespeare: Henry VI, Part 1, Act 5, Scene 4

I believe it’s true, a thing which is impossible?
What else am I supposed to do?
I see grace in some lucky others, and I see my own bungling ungainliness.
Why wouldn’t I want to change?

Joan, don’t tell me I am greedy or covetous or arrogant
for wanting what would make me harmless and even benevolent to others.
Don’t tell me this is a devilish wish and not a spiritual desire
and that’s why I never change.
Don’t tell me that wanting change based on this observation is mere arrogance.
Because I want to tell you something about arrogance.

How arrogant is that prized desire
To lie hidden from me and others
Who can merely wish?
Desire, I only know you through rumors and folklore
But you sit in judgment, hiding from us, making it seem wrong that we wish
to change because we do not want to repulse or be harmful.

What a coy mistress you turned out to be, desire.
Come out of your spider hole, you stinking coward.
You mock us for wishing to experience change so we can
Feel peace and make others smile?
You are arrogant and lazy and I am getting fed up with you.
We have to be nice and say nice things about you
because we need you so badly.
But you are pushing it.
I hope you do not have the monopoly on grace that you think you have.
If I can find another way, I will take it and I will mock you to scorn.

Daniel Gauss has been working as a teacher for the past 20 years and is an MA graduate of Columbia University. He has had many non-fiction articles published on quality platforms
such as The Good Men Project and E: The Environmental Magazine. He has had children’s poetry published on Dirigible Balloon and Ballon Lit Journal. He has recently had fiction published on The Hooghly Review and on Mobius: The Journal for Social Change.